Lessens learned

February 14, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Yes, that’s a deliberate pun – I DO know how to spell lessons!

Last year I gave up buying clothes, essentially. Read all the rules if you haven’t already…. I’ll give you a minute.

…..

Okay, now you’re up to date, I’ll let you know how it went.

Sad faces first:

  1. I didn’t enjoy it much. I missed having new clothes.
  2. I didn’t save much money, I just spent it on other stuff!
  3. I cheated a little, and feel bad

Now happy faces:

  1. I do feel a sense of achievement because despite cheating a little, I didn’t give up
  2. I found other ways to get clothes (taking donations of gifts, going to clothes-swaps) that I will use in the future
  3. I did get better at using my whole wardrobe
  4. I did get better at waiting for things
  5. I did have an emptier, more user-friendly and organised wardrobe
  6. I did get better at shopping carefully (I spent a couple of gift vouchers and made sure they were purchases that worked hard for me!)

So, the cheating occurred in December. I had just had a colour & style consult with Natalie from Defined Image and I was looking forward to buying stuff that suited me. Mum dragged me out shopping after my birthday because she needed some things herself (bad idea). Long story short, I bought a few sale items. I was half good, though, and gave my purchases to Mum to take home with her – she delivered them after Christmas and I waited until 2013 to wear them. So I failed, but not COMPLETELY. Yes, yes, I know, I know ;)

This year, I have certainly spent money on clothes. I went nuts in the first week (shopping with Natalie) and have eased off since (mainly because I spent so much in January that I ran out!).

I have a list of items that I want to get, and will only shop for them and not browse and buy random things just because I want new things.

So I am now getting wear out of all items in my wardrobe (Natalie also did a wardrobe audit with me and we culled what didn’t work) and enjoying choosing outfits. THAT is a big win!

I won’t be doing it again, but I will use my lessons learned well :)

Rebecca & Natalie

Here I am (in 'old' clothes), out on the town with my stylist and friend Natalie

 

 

 

Filed Under: Culling, Psychology, Shopping, Wardrobe Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

A modest life is a life to be proud of

October 10, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Everyone has different ideas of what a modest life entails, but for me it’s not being dragged into the whole consumerism, materialistic way of life to a point that it has you living outside your means or being extravagant.

It means you don’t go into debt for a big-screen TV or a luxury car, you don’t spend thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery and shoes each year. You don’t buy designer clothes, or borrow money for extravagant holidays.

It means you live within your means, disregarding what this does to the way people see you.

So many people complain about not having enough money, yet they drink excessive amounts of alcohol, have Foxtel and a big-screen TV and drive a brand new car that they have borrowed money for, and spend a fortune on takeaway and junk food.  They sell their house and upgrade to a bigger home with a bigger mortgage so they can fit all their stuff in that they found one sale somewhere sometime but never use. They put their immediate comfort and their ‘facade’ in front of long-term benefits such as being debt-free.

People have forgotten what a real need is. They have forgotten that in the 1960s a family of five quite happily fit into a house with 3 bedrooms and one living area. They forget that a car that is over 10 years old can still drive them from A to B.  They forget that they live a quite privileged life compared to many and that they are so much luckier than they think they are.

They still look around them and want what everyone else has whether or not they can afford it, need it, or have room for it.

I get really frustrated when I hear how “tough” people are doing it, when I know very well many of these people are in debt because they lived beyond their means.  They did it because they couldn’t tell the difference between a need and a want. They didn’t ‘save for a rainy day’ and instead told themselves “I deserve this”.

People who lead modest lives are happier than those that don’t. They are more financially stable. They are self-sufficient and live within their means. They are leaders, not followers. They accept their life as it is and don’t strive for excess. They give freely of themselves. They aren’t overly concerned with what others think of them, and are therefore more uninhibited and self-assured.

How does one live a modest life?

  • Don’t buy things just because everyone else has one, unless you can afford to buy 3 of them without debt (and then still only buy 1!)
  • Recognise that at the end of your life, you will not be remembered for your designer shoes
  • Understand that you are still a valuable person without all the ‘stuff’
  • Learn to be content with what you have, and enjoy what you have instead of wanting more all the time
  • Don’t go into debt for anything other than the necessities (food and shelter, essentially – and that doesn’t count luxury resorts!)
  • Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s, and be proud of not buying into the hype
  • Remember to look long-term and not just for the short-term ‘hit’ that buying something new gives you

There is nothing to be ashamed of in living a modest life, but so very much to be proud of.


On a personal note:

I am not infallible nor am I a monk – sometimes I don’t live a modest life, despite generally trying to. When I bought myself an iPad (I tried to tell myself I ‘needed’ it for work but to be honest, I mostly play and read on it), I was being more extravagant than I normally would, even though I could afford it and did pay cash, because I didn’t really need it.  Sometimes I yearn for a bigger wardrobe, more shoes or a guest room in my house(or a bigger house), or a flash new sofa because I’m tired of the old one. And I was very keen to upgrade our car earlier this year – to the point of nagging!

But  most of all, I live within my means and without extravagance, as does the rest of my family. We’re not overly frugal but we’re not careless either.

Our family is debt-free (and we worked hard to get that way – it wasn’t handed to us on a platter) and we save as much as we can, whilst still enjoying our life.  Our home is not large or fancy, but it’s nice and we all fit just fine and we resist the urge to spend our savings on upgrading. When we last bought a new car (we had had our other one for almost 12 years) we spent around 10% of what we could actually afford to spend in cash and it was still a nice, shiny new (less than one year old) car and I still love it to pieces. The rest of the money is earning interest for us while the small investment is driving me around!

Filed Under: Family organising, Psychology, Shopping, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Where do I start?

June 9, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The most common question I get is “Where do I start?”.

starting blocks

For people with a clutter problem, it’s not a simple problem to solve.  It can induce a lot of anxiety and many simply throw their hands up in despair and declare it an impossible task.

You have two ways to start:

1. The cull

2. The sort

If you have a highly cluttered space and no room to sort, you need to cull first. That means grabbing a few boxes or garbage bags and assigning them roles – “Rubbish” “Donations” “Give to friends” “Staying” and “Elsewhere in the house”.  Then you start at the pile closest to the door and work your way around the room, putting things in their appropriate boxes.  Don’t look at the whole space – focus on ONE ITEM AT A TIME ONLY. This will help prevent you getting overwhelmed. If you find it impossible not to ‘see’ the whole room and get anxious, engage a friend (or a Professional Organiser!) to help. You can be in the other room with the boxes, and they can bring you 1-3 items at a time to make decisions on.

If you have a moderately cluttered space, you can sort first. Sorting first helps you make better culling decisions because you can see where you have duplicated and the total volume of ‘stuff’.  Keep the culling boxes as outlined above, but sort your items into “like” groups first, then cull. Once you’ve culled you can then find storage appropriate with the group of items and the space you have for them.  Again, just start at the first pile you see and work on one item at a time to avoid getting overwhelmed.

Dedicate a small amount of time every day, one item at a time and you’ll get there.

As Lao-Tzu said (not literally, but this common translation and interpretation is the one most suited to this circumstance!)  ”The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step“.

 

Filed Under: Disorganised, Hoarding, Home, Organised, Procrastination, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

New Year, new … somethingorother …

January 1, 2012 by Leave a Comment

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It’s New Year’s Day, a time that many of us decide we will make some resolutions to change for the better, and that 2012 is going to be better than 2011.

More money, more friends, less stress, less fat, more fat, more joy, more holidays, less travelling, more clothes, less clothes, more stuff, less stuff, new car, new house, new partner …*takes deep breath*… new friends, no more new friends, more muscles, less crying, better parenting, better job, no job, see family more, see family less, help more people, get help more often, quit smoking, drink less, eat more meat, eat less meat … the list goes on!

Most people want to improve themselves or their lives to some degree; we’re all alike in that way.

Most New Year’s Resolutions fail (I won’t go into detail, but there are stats supporting that sweeping statement!). So I recommend that you just don’t make any. But no, you cry, how will I improve if I don’t make a resolution to? Easy – you take action. A resolution is just a decision to do something, and decisions don’t get you anywhere.  To change, you need a goal, some determination and action. Action is what gets you over the line!

Here’s a few tips:

  1. Choose a theme (“financial freedom” “healthy living” “learning journey”). You can’t change everything - it just doesn’t work. Pick a theme for 2012 and base your goals around it. Don’t stress, though; if you want to lose weight AND learn French this year, that’s fine!
  2. Restrict your goals to only a few (maybe 3?). Brainstorm a list then trim it down to the most important ones to you. Keep the rest to review next year.
  3. Write your goals so they are as specific as possible, and preferably measurable (eg – fit back into size 10 jeans, or get debt down to $50,000, or finish a graphic design course)
  4. Once you have a few specific, large goals, break them down into some smaller goals so that you have a plan of action to follow and not just a vague notion (ie, visit dietitian, decide on exercise routine, start routine, change diet, lose 5 kgs, lose 10 kgs, fit a size 12, fit a size 11 … )
  5. DON’T give up altogether if you stumble. Just start again! Perseverance is the key.

Share your theme for the year with us – what are you focusing on? (In case you were wondering, mine is “Acceptance” – rolling with the punches, flowing with the current and being grateful for all I have).

 

Filed Under: Goal setting, Organised, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My Fashion Embargo Experiment for 2012

December 31, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I recently thought I might try something new this year. Something that I haven’t done before, and that many people couldn’t do if their life depended on it (and that others regularly do it rather easily).

I decided I wasn’t going to buy any new clothes in 2012. For the whole year.

I’m the kind of person that gets bored easily – I like to update my wardrobe through the year, and always have a bit of a spree at the start of winter and summer.  I have been long exploring the idea that you can be happier if you can accept what you have rather than always wanting more. I have been practising it a lot, and wondered if I could take it this one step further.

So, I’m going to have a new clothes embargo in 2012. No new clothes or accessories for a WHOLE YEAR. These are the rules I have made:

  1. Replacement of essential items that have been damaged are allowed. By essential I mean that there is only one of them in my wardrobe, and it’s needed for work or something important (like underwear!)
  2. Gift cards can be redeemed (I have none, but if anyone wants to join me they can do this)
  3. Clothes-swapping and borrowing from friends is perfectly acceptable
  4. Clothes received as gifts are also acceptable (I have to wait until December for my birthday so this will be of no use to me!)
  5. Accessories are included – no new shoes, jewellery or handbags either (unless conditions satisfy rule #1)

Why am I doing this? A few reasons:

  1. I bought more clothes and jewellery this year than I ever have (BEFORE I decided on the embargo!) and I think I have everything I need to get by
  2. It will teach me to be patient
  3. It will teach me how to be more creative with my wardrobe instead of just buying something when I get bored
  4. It will save me money (this is a minor reason; I’ve never really spent a load on clothes or shoes)
  5. I just want to see if I can do it!
  6. It will show me that I don’t need new things to be happy
  7. I won’t have to go shopping (I don’t like it!)
  8. It’s something fun to blog about and share with others
  9. My wardrobe is full.

Would you like to join me?  It will be good for you, I promise! You can attend the Facebook event, and follow @rebeccamezzino and use the hashtag #fashem2012  to join in the discussion on Twitter.

Tell me what you think – could YOU do it?

Filed Under: Featured, Psychology, Shopping Tagged With: , , , , ,

Productivity Death by Mindless Escape

November 2, 2011 by Leave a Comment

We all want to run away from things sometimes

Procrastination affects everyone, but for some it seems to really affect their life – especially their work. It’s a real productivity-killer. I was chatting about it with a friend recently who said that she has become particularly good at some PC games because when she can’t face work, diving into a game helps her to cope. She’s engaging in a mindless escape from a difficult reality.

Most of us engage in mindless escapes – TV is a prime example (most commercial TV at the moment is particularly mindless, but I’ll save that rant for another time, lucky you…). But there is also Facebook (sometimes looking at photos of someone you don’t know seems an entirely useful way to spend time), or Twitter (do the useful links EVER stop coming? It’s Mindless Escape Heaven there) and other things such as watching kittens take on dogs in YouTube videos or reading up on Scandinavian Twig-Chair making.

My friend knows very well she’s escaping, and even talked about the cost/benefit of the escape. However, she still doesn’t know how to stop the escaping and the procrastination associated with it.

I suggested that it’s okay for her to play Angry Birds – that she shouldn’t try to stop altogether. But what she should do is first take 10 seconds to write down what it is she’s escaping from. The act of actually realising what we’re putting off, and then writing it down, means that your mindless escape all of a sudden becomes a conscious choice. And we can control our choices.

You still may engage in the escape, but by being aware, the escape may well be for a shorter time. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break – it’s how long and how frequently you take that break (and the quality of the break) that is important.

What do you engage in mindless escapes to avoid doing? Can you reduce that and be more productive, or at least, more conscious?

Filed Under: Office, Organised, Procrastination, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What excuses do YOU use?

September 8, 2011 by Leave a Comment

There are many reasons why people keep too many things; I hear them every day. Some are valid (ie, they need, use or love the item) but other excuses need to be challenged if people want to move forward with a simpler, less cluttered life.

Here are some of my favourite counter-arguments and challenges in response to some common excuses:

1. I might use it one day

This is the most common. I always remind people that for every item you keep for this reason, you are adding to your ‘To Do’ list. After all, if you do actually use it, it’s something to do, isn’t  it? Do you really need MORE stuff to do?  And if you’re keeping it out of obligation (“I really should finish that project”) then it’s not even going to be an enjoyable activity! Why do that to yourself?

When exactly WILL you use it?  How long have you been ‘meaning to’ use it? How is it affecting  your life right now? If you’re pretty sure you will use it, give yourself a deadline. If it’s not used by then, it is a negative effect on your life and it needs to go.

I also ask clients to ask themselves “What’s the worst that could happen if I get rid of this item?”. In most cases, you’ll just need to borrow one off someone else, or buy it again. And that’s the worst case! You can live with that, can’t you? You’ve certainly been through worse. Most  likely, you’ll forget it existed and be grateful for the peace of mind.

2.  I plan to fit into it again

Okay, so you have a few items of clothing that you love that don’t quite fit – fair enough. However, you need limits on how many you keep.  After all, you will most likely want to go shopping again if you lose weight, won’t you?

And the tough question – how likely are you to actually lose weight?  How long have you been that size? It does get less likely as time goes on.  I always encourage my clients to focus efforts and space in their wardrobe on clothes that they can use, and that make them feel fabulous in the size they are, instead of resenting their size.  If skinny clothes could talk, all they would do is call you fat anyway. You wouldn’t keep a friend that called you fat!

3. I spent a lot of money on it

The money is gone – it’s not coming back. If you wasted the money, it’s already wasted; what you do with the item will make little difference to that. Accept the loss and move on. If you don’t use it, you’re wasting both money, space AND sanity. Why not consider selling it or donating it to someone who will get a lot of use out of it?

4. Someone gave it to me

Your affection for someone should not be directed towards items, it should be directed towards the person. Love the person; get rid of the monstrosity that stresses you.

5. It’s a waste if I get rid of it

It’s far more of a waste to keep it and not use it! Donate it to someone who will appreciate it and get use out of it.

6. We’ve always kept that type of paperwork

Just because you’ve always done it does not mean it’s appropriate anymore. Challenge your habits and rationalise your decisions with some logic. Do you need it? Can you reproduce it if you really do find you need it one day? If it’s available anywhere else, get rid of it and simplify your life. Less paperwork = more smiles!

What excuses do you think you need to remove from your decluttering experience?


Filed Under: Hoarding, Home, Organised, Paperwork, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Love me, love my stuff….all 5 tonnes of it…

August 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

You have a problem. Your partner/mother/son/aunt/neighbour has a lot of stuff. They have more stuff than you think is necessary. Their life seems to revolve around their stuff.  You’ve watched Hoarders and Oprah and have seen what hoarding does to people. You’re worried about your loved-one.

However, how do you know if they’re a compulsive hoarder, or just chronically (or acutely) disorganised? According to one of the biggest hoarding experts in the world, Randy Frost, compulsive hoarding is the “acquisition of, and failure to discard, possessions which appear to be useless or of limited value“.

I get calls from worried family members and friends a lot; wondering what they can do to help.  Before I can help, however, we need to establish the level of hoarding, and whether they are indeed a compulsive hoarder.

I personally attempt to identify compulsive hoarders with three main lines of questioning:

  1. One of the biggest characteristics of a compulsive hoarder is their denial of the condition. If they frequently lament that everyone is against them, that noone understands how important their belongings are, and that they don’t need to change (in fact, everyone else does!), and if they have pushed away family members and friends that have tried to help, then they may be compulsive hoarders.
  2. Next is their emotional state when asked to discard items. If they get very upset (aggressive, highly emotional or even hysterical) whenever anyone touches, moves or removes their belongings, they may be compulsive hoarders.
  3. Another key indicator, as previously touched on in Randy Frost’s definition, is the volume of and type of items that they keep. Are there excessive amounts of them? Are they of little value? Do they include such items as newspapers, rubber bands, ice-cream sticks, pipe-cleaners, or plastic bags, toilet rolls or something similar? Are they possibly animals or old food?

So how do you help if it appears they are very likely a compulsive hoarder? I won’t sugar-coat it – it’s not at all easy. Few compulsive hoarders successfully overcome the condition. However, you can certainly try.

Before I tell you what to do, I want to make it very clear what you shouldn’t do. What you should NEVER do with a compulsive hoarder is send them away while you go and clean up. Never, never, never. NEVER.

The first thing those with the condition need to do is recognise that they have it, and that it is unhealthy and possibly (especially with food and animal hoarders or those with fire hazards) life-threatening.  At best it threatens their personal relationships. One experienced psychologist I spoke with on the condition suggested asking them to read a book (Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding) in the hope that they may recongise themselves in it.

If you manage to get them over that step, the next is to convince them to undertake therapy with an experienced psychologist.

Finally, when they are ready to begin culling and starting their life anew, you can call in the Professional Organisers to help hold their hand and provide physical and technical assistance in the road to recovery.

And if you recognise yourself in this post, well done – you are on your way to a better life already :)

 

Filed Under: Disorganised, Hoarding, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

The ONE thing that can get you organised

June 2, 2011 by Leave a Comment

A line in the sandI had a  journalist ask me recently that if there was only one thing she should do to get organised, what would it be?  Of course, there are quite a few things you can do, and quite a few adjustments in your thinking that you can make. However, if there is one thing that could singularly make a change to your life now, it would be boundaries.

Boundaries are everywhere. There are physical boundaries (the block of land your home is on, the walls of your house; curbs and fences), legal boundaries (one must not shop in the supermarket without any clothes on and you can’t take a stranger’s car just for the fun of it), social boundaries (we don’t sing at the top of our voices in the library nor take our own dinner to eat in a restaurant) and self-imposed boundaries (being vegetarian, a teetotaller or a non-smoker or never ever ever wearing runners with jeans, for example). Not all boundaries are ‘good’, nor are they all ‘bad’, but they are there nonetheless.

And you can also use boundaries to help you get organised and stay organised. And if you stick to them, you can’t fail!

If you’re cluttered:

  • The 1-in, 2-out rule will put your home on a diet and ensure that you have more going out than in. Every time you bring a new item into the house, 2 have to go. Useful for all collections of belongings, especially shoes, books and magazines. If it’s a particularly large and overwhelming collection, you may want to have 1-in, 5-out!
  • The ‘nothing lives on this space’ boundary. Visualise your home as the way you want it to be. Which horizontal spaces were empty in that visualisation? Pick one, and make a rule that no matter what, nothing is allowed on there anymore. If something turns up on that spot then it immediately has to have a home found for it. Once you’ve got that as a habit, choose the next spot.
  • The “Don’t Put It Down, Put It Away” rule: this is self-explanatory. Make a home for it if it doesn’t have one – don’t just put it down on the closest horizontal space
  • Shopping with awareness. Shop with a list and determination not to buy anything not on the list. Try to avoid shopping at garage sales or op-shops (as most of this type of shopping is impulsive and unstructured). Also ask yourself when you are purchasing something “Where will this live? Do I have room for it?”.

Once you’re decluttered:

  • Shift to 1-in, 1-out and keep that rule in mind on an ongoing basis
  • Spread your awareness of empty horizontal spaces to the whole home
  • Every time you open a cupboard, check that everything is in its home (it only takes a few seconds)
  • Set up routines to maintain your wonderfully organised spaces.
Filed Under: Featured, Organised, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Leave the void empty sometimes

April 20, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Today I don’t want to give you any answers. Instead I want to ask you some questions.

I had a discussion yesterday with a wonderful and insightful friend. We talked about why we have this innate need to fill our emotional voids with ‘stuff’, from clothes and shoes to chocolate or mindless pursuits such as TV.

So I want to ask you – what voids are you filling? What are you filling them with? Is this void-filling having the negative effect of filling your home up with things you don’t need, use or love?

Are you looking for instant gratification and sacrificing long-term happiness?  Are you afraid of empty spaces in your life? Why is that? Wouldn’t it be lovely to embrace emptiness sometimes? Accept it as a truth and let it be?

Why are those voids there? What created them? Are they good voids or bad?

Mull it over, you may find a truth in there that will help you move forward.

 

Filed Under: Psychology Tagged With: , , , ,
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